Monday, May 16, 2011
My emotions are still reeling and I've had a few days for it all to sink in.
Thursday night, I got into bed counting down the minutes until I could pick Mr. S up for his 8 hour pass the next morning. Just as I was falling asleep, my phone rang. It was him! He said that he couldn't talk, but that he was coming home..not for an 8 hour pass, but for good!
Friday morning arrived and I was so excited to be able to bring my husband home. I couldn't sit still. I got to post extra early and waited in the parking lot for any sign of the guys being released. After 5 hours of tense waiting and pacing with fellow wives, they started to appear. I thought I was going to cry I was so excited. As each wave of soldiers exited the compound gates and each man reunited with his wife, I was getting that much more excited to finally get to reunite with Mr. S. Then I realized that there were no more men coming out and there were no more wives left waiting with me. He wasn't coming.... I tried to hold back the tears.
Thank goodness for 2 of his friends who saw me in the parking lot. They were both in the course as well and were kind enough to take the time out of their pass to go back into the compound and find out anything they could for me. All we could find out was that he had to go before a board to see if he was going to recycle. He wasn't coming home today. I got in my car and just cried.
It wasn't for another hour that I received a phone call. "Hey lovey" he said casually. I blurted into the phone through sobs, "Are you coming home today?" "Only if you come get me. I'm waiting for you," he said.
Long story short, he was dropped from the course for stupid reasons. I was finally able to see him. He's finally home. I was finally able to tell him all the things I had been holding in since he left. He was finally able to sleep. It's been a tough adjustment though. He is feeling like he failed and seems to only want to concentrate on when he can go back. I'm feeling like he isn't happy to be home with me and he would rather be back there. It's taken a few days, but it's finally starting to feel back to normal. Here's the question though:
As an army wife, do I have an obligation to put my feelings aside and let him be upset that he's not in training with his men or do I have a right to be upset that he doesn't seem so thrilled to be home with me? This dilemna plays again and again in my mind.